[FIC] KANJANI8; Wait
current mood: depressed
current song: Eden by Kanjani8
Author: dreams_my_wings/ fto_osakadreams
Genre: uhm...ANGST because I feel like contributing to the fandom-emo
Pairings: non-existent. Kanjani8-centric
Summary: We are Kanjani8.
Author Notes: ...omg the fandom angst. *whibbles* Blame this on all other K8 angst fics appearing.
I was so happy too!
It’s hard. It’s harder than anyone could ever imagine. We are supposed to be happy, supposed to be ecstatic, supposed to be so fucking happy but it’s too hard. It’s too hard to be happy with things the way they are. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to come back, just come back to us and we would be whole again, we would be eight again, we would be Kanjani8 again. We were supposed to go back to the way things were, back to the old days, before he was ever gone, before we were known, back to when there were eight boys struggling to survive, survive and make it, make music and live. We were supposed to go back to that.
We can’t. We can’t, we can’t wecan’twecan’twecan’t. We can’t. It’s not because everything has changed, it’s not because we have all changed, all grown, matured, with new experiences and new friends and new opinions. We’ve all changed but that changes absolutely nothing. That doesn’t change the fact that we grew up together, grew together; learned together. That doesn’t change the fact that we are all part of Kanjani8- can’t be Kanjani8 without every single one of us. It doesn’t change the fact that he is part of Kanjani8 and no matter what happens to him he’ll always be one of us; there will always be a space waiting for him to fill. It changes nothing.
What changes everything, what holds us back, what keeps us from being whole, it’s them. What makes this hurt, what keeps us from being happy, it’s them. They gave him back, gave him back to us. They said it. Uchi’s coming back. And god we were so happy. We smiled and laughed and sang and drank and cried and god we were so happy because he was coming back, finally, finally, finally coming back. And we didn’t worry about what has changed and what hasn’t; didn’t worry about who would sing what lines. We didn’t worry. We celebrated and we laughed and smiled and cried because he's back.
He’s back; he back; he’s back; he’s back. But he's not really back yet, not really back. He’s here, he’s here but he’s not and, and, and we’re so close, so damn close and it's like we can reach out and grab it, reach out and grab him, pull him back in, back in to this crazy world of feathers and shiny and smiling and cameras and bright lights and screaming fans and music. It’s like we can pull him back, our missing piece, and everything will be whole again, everything will finally be alright again. But we can’t. We can’t because he’s too far and we can only brush our fingertips against his clothing, only brush and never gain a purchase to pull him back, pull him back to us. And it’s the cruelest torture imaginable, being so, so, so close, and not close enough. Never close enough.
And he’s there. He’s there and we’ve waited and we’ve waited for so long and it hurts and we are so sick, so tired, so done with waiting. We don’t want to wait any longer; don’t want to watch as he watches us, watches and waits for the day he can return. He’s back, he’s back, and he’s back. But he’s not really back and there is still only seven of us, were still missing a piece, still missing someone, a brother and were so sick of waiting. He’s back but we can’t have him back and it hurts and we just want to be whole again, want Uchi back; want to quit having to wait. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want.
But they don’t care what we want.
So we’ll just wait, wait for him. We will wait a little bit longer. We’ll fold a thousand paper cranes if we have to. We’ll pray every night before we go to bed. We’ll wait for him to come back, really come back. And we’ll wait forever if we have to because he’s worth it.
He’s worth it.
Because he’s one of us.
And we are Kanjani8.
We are Kanjani8.
Maruyama Ryuhei. Murakami Shingo. Nishikido Ryo. Ohkura Tadayoshi. Shibutani Subaru. Yasuda Shota. Yokoyama Yu.
And Uchi Hiroki.
We are Kanjani8.