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December 30th, 2006 (10:12 pm)

current mood: depressed
current song: Eden by Kanjani8

Author:  dreams_my_wings/ fto_osakadreams
Rating: PG
Genre: uhm...ANGST because I feel like contributing to the fandom-emo
Pairings: non-existent. Kanjani8-centric 
Summary: We are Kanjani8.
Author Notes: ...omg the fandom angst. *whibbles* Blame this on all other K8 angst fics appearing. I was so happy too!

It’s hard. It’s harder than anyone could ever imagine. We are supposed to be happy, supposed to be ecstatic, supposed to be so fucking happy but it’s too hard. It’s too hard to be happy with things the way they are. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to come back, just come back to us and we would be whole again, we would be eight again, we would be Kanjani8 again. We were supposed to go back to the way things were, back to the old days, before he was ever gone, before we were known, back to when there were eight boys struggling to survive, survive and make it, make music and live. We were supposed to go back to that.


We can’t. We can’t, we can’t wecan’twecan’twecan’t. We can’t. It’s not because everything has changed, it’s not because we have all changed, all grown, matured, with new experiences and new friends and new opinions. We’ve all changed but that changes absolutely nothing. That doesn’t change the fact that we grew up together, grew together; learned together. That doesn’t change the fact that we are all part of Kanjani8- can’t be Kanjani8 without every single one of us. It doesn’t change the fact that he is part of Kanjani8 and no matter what happens to him he’ll always be one of us; there will always be a space waiting for him to fill. It changes nothing.


What changes everything, what holds us back, what keeps us from being whole, it’s them. What makes this hurt, what keeps us from being happy, it’s them. They gave him back, gave him back to us. They said it. Uchi’s coming back. And god we were so happy. We smiled and laughed and sang and drank and cried and god we were so happy because he was coming back, finally, finally, finally coming back. And we didn’t worry about what has changed and what hasn’t; didn’t worry about who would sing what lines. We didn’t worry. We celebrated and we laughed and smiled and cried because he's back.


He’s back; he back; he’s back; he’s back. But he's not really back yet, not really back. He’s here, he’s here but he’s not and, and, and we’re so close, so damn close and it's like we can reach out and grab it, reach out and grab him, pull him back in, back in to this crazy world of feathers and shiny and smiling and cameras and bright lights and screaming fans and music. It’s like we can pull him back, our missing piece, and everything will be whole again, everything will finally be alright again. But we can’t. We can’t because he’s too far and we can only brush our fingertips against his clothing, only brush and never gain a purchase to pull him back, pull him back to us. And it’s the cruelest torture imaginable, being so, so, so close, and not close enough. Never close enough.


And he’s there. He’s there and we’ve waited and we’ve waited for so long and it hurts and we are so sick, so tired, so done with waiting. We don’t want to wait any longer; don’t want to watch as he watches us, watches and waits for the day he can return. He’s back, he’s back, and he’s back. But he’s not really back and there is still only seven of us, were still missing a piece, still missing someone, a brother and were so sick of waiting. He’s back but we can’t have him back and it hurts and we just want to be whole again, want Uchi back; want to quit having to wait. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want.


But they don’t care what we want.


So we’ll just wait, wait for him. We will wait a little bit longer. We’ll fold a thousand paper cranes if we have to. We’ll pray every night before we go to bed. We’ll wait for him to come back, really come back. And we’ll wait forever if we have to because he’s worth it.


He’s worth it.


Because he’s one of us.


And we are Kanjani8.


We are Kanjani8.


Maruyama Ryuhei. Murakami Shingo. Nishikido Ryo. Ohkura Tadayoshi. Shibutani Subaru. Yasuda Shota. Yokoyama Yu.


And Uchi Hiroki.


We are Kanjani8.


Posted by: き季 (kirei_kisetsu)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 06:38 am (UTC)

Wah~ This made me cry. Again.

Today is filled with so much fandom angst T^T

Posted by: FTO_osakadreams (fto_osakadreams)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 06:47 am (UTC)


I know. And we are supposed to be happy. Why can't we be happy?!?

...I'm crying again.

And uhm. Thanks and I'm sorry.

*hugs and gives tissues and cookies*

Posted by: 千秋 (midnightvisions)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 06:38 am (UTC)

I'm so close crying after reading this. I want to cry, but I guess I'm all out of tears from the morning when the news came haha. I loved it. ♥♥♥ everything. the angst was good and i really liked how it wasn't from one person's pov. instead it was the group.

And we’ll wait forever if we have to because he’s worth it.
This line killed me. askdjskdjks ILU for writing this ♥ *mems*

Posted by: FTO_osakadreams (fto_osakadreams)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 06:50 am (UTC)

uhm. Thanks? And sorry for almost making you cry *gives you cookies*

♥ ♥ ♥ ILU for commenting. And uhm. Even though Uchi isn't as cool as Ohkura we all know he's worth waiting for.

Posted by: 霊光 (lullabyeforyou)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 08:03 am (UTC)

The end was what capped it. I.. uh.. don't cry for fics, so I didn't. But I just wanted to tell you that I loved the end.

Posted by: FTO_osakadreams (fto_osakadreams)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 11:27 pm (UTC)

Aww. Thanks. ^^ ♥ I'm glad you liked it and that I didn't make you cry .

(Deleted comment)
Posted by: FTO_osakadreams (fto_osakadreams)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 11:28 pm (UTC)

Fandom-angst FTW! *shot*

Posted by: *shrugs* (blondeweasley)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 08:40 pm (UTC)
emo moment jin

I like your spin on it. Emo just not the kind of emo everyone else is talking about. The fics I've read so far (haven't read too many because they're depressing me...I was so happy before!! :() have all talked about that everything would be different. Different, different, different. They were good fics, yes, but yours was cool because it talked about...well you know what it talked about, you wrote it. :D I liked that. *nods* Awesome fic. Loved the ending especially.

Of course any of that doesn't make it less depressing because it's still emo so I'm going to go cry in the corner now. XD

Posted by: FTO_osakadreams (fto_osakadreams)
Posted at: December 31st, 2006 11:31 pm (UTC)

*frantically hands you tissues*

I swear I was crying like all of yesterday- or felt like crying at least. And when I first found out I was so happy and then their was angst and my mood dropped like woah.

And I'm glad you like it and I really believe that even though things will be different I don't think it would effect them really badly. And I guess what makes me so upset about this is that I just want Uchi back with K8 no matter what. ^^

I love your icon BTW. ♥

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